The Wonderful Adventures of Turtle, Part 1

Years ago, my dad and I started a tradition. He needed to fly a lot and I was scared he would crash. So I gave him a little stuffed bird with him to keep him in the air. Since then I have a collection of birds and when he or someone else flies I lent him a bird. It always works to get them safely home. Then the time came for me to travel alone and my mom and dad gave me a little turtle which they brought in France, to keep me save wherever I went.

Going Public

Thursday 16 february 2012. I wake up feeling horrible. Everything hurts, I have more pain then I had in months. I knew that a lot of it is normal muscle pain, but I have nerve pains too and am completely stiff. I’m still a bit confused about last night. I was scared that Klaas would kick me out this morning, but he is sleeping now. Slowly I get up, make tea and walk Casper. I don’t have the energy to think clearly and am wondering if I’m capable to be in a relationship. A very down feeling. The last 2 weeks I started to take less Depakine / Depakote, I’m now on 300 mg, and feeling the side effects. At home I take a painkiller and climb back in bed with 2 cups of tea. Klaas wakes up and tries to kiss the pain away. The funny thing is that it worked and an hour later I feel a bit better.

Honey, I’m Home!

Valentines day 14 February 2012.

After a crazy morning where I completely worked myself trough 2 lists with things to do, I get a bit bored. The next day I’m supposed to take the train at 17.00 to meet Klaas and stay at his house for 2 nights. But I wanted to see him this day so badly. It’s a week ago when we have seen each other for the last time and I miss him very much. He made the comment late the night before; if I had a car I would drive to you know. Suddenly I know the solution. Why not go to him today, I don’t have a car, but can take the train? Yes he wants to run tonight and need to work tomorrow but maybe he likes a surprises. It’s Valentines day after all. (That is a weak excuse because Klaas and I don’t like Valentines day). Also I have then more time Wednesday to get used to his home and the surroundings because he needs to work. So I send him this text: Have a wild plan… Call me after work please. And think about how attached you are with your running tonight… And do you dare to leave me alone… Do I make you curious? Kiss S. Answer: Exciting! I will call you right away at 17 h. Running? Whats that? Guess: you are coming tonight and babysit the house tomorrow. Love, your boyfriend.

Meet the Parents, Part 1

When and how, that was the question. Of course we both want to meet each other parents, but it’s a bit scary too. The moms and dads are getting curious and ask loads of questions. They want to see photos and my dad even tried to google Klaas. (which didn’t work very well). Klaas was scared for a curse. Last year he had a girlfriend for about a month and she wanted him to meet her parents. He found it too soon but went along. Then they went to his parents. A week or so later it was over. So he was scared it would be the same for us.  He told me his feelings for me are completely different than for the girl last year. At the end the problem solved itself. After my party on saturday 4 february it would be 1,5 week untill we would see each other again. Because I was going to stay with my aunt and he has his work. The one solution to make it shorter was to go to my real birthday on the 7th. My mom and dad offered to cook for me. So he would meet them there if he wanted to. After some thinking he, took the offer and said he would come.

Things to Remember, week 6

1. Declaration of love.  After 4 weeks, there is no place to hide my feelings anymore. I tried to be reasonable as long as possible, but it doesn’t work anymore. So I write him this on sunday night. Klaas asked me to translate it and put it into my blog.

Sometimes you can’t find words for what you are feeling

Sometimes is what you are feeling to scary to put into words

Sometimes you want to scream at the top of your lungs

And sometimes you get a lump in your throat

What I want to say to you;

I have the feeling that I have come home with you

That I’m suddenly at a place I always should have been

And I hope this feeling will never leave

And that I can give you the ‘home’ that you need

Home is not a location, but the feeling that everything falls into place

Sweet dreams, Kiss, Sophie

Reality Check, Sophie 1.0

After a wonderful but very busy birthday, I went to my aunt on thursday. We had a couple nice days with loads of girl talk, sauna, nice food, tv and music. My body needed the rest very much and I felt much better soon. Beeing in love cost so much energy. Both Klaas and I needed the time out. Of course we send emails and talk a bit on the phone, but we need some time too to digest everything.

On sunday it was 4 week since I have met Klaas for the first time. I seems so much longer, but facts are facts. I felt a bit under the weather. I’m very cold the whole day and my lip got infected. (To prevent all discussions, Yes  it might be of all the kissing, but Klaas has no problems). Next Wednesday evening I well go to his house. He has a day off work on thursday and a late shift on friday, so we have more time. The ideas fly in emails from one to the other. I want to meet his parents. So what to bring, flowers, or home-made apple pie. He likes the last idea so we decide to bake one together. Also he wants to show me the place where he is born. And of course we need to walk Casper, make supper and I need to rest to. So at the end of the afternoon he makes a joke. ‘I haven’t figured out Sophie 1.0 (like in software)’. He ment he doesn’t know how much energy I will have, what I can and cannot do.

Things to Remember, week 5

1. Changing my Facebook status. On monday I decided to chance my Facebook status from single into relationship. A big step for me. What I didn’t realise is that it get posted on your wall right away. So I got loads of funny reactions. I was blushing at home. Oke, now everybody knows: yes, Klaas is my boyfriend!

2. Testing grandma’s new microwave. My dad and I bought a new microwave / oven for grandma. But we needed to test it first. So I took all the plastic away and read in the manual that I had to put the grill on for 20 minutes. After 15 minutes I came back and panicked. The inside of the glass looked awful. I thought I had left the plastic sheet on the inside of the glass. But my mom found out that something else happened. The glass of the inside of the door was shattered into little pieces. But everything stayed into place. Why, who knows. I called the store and we had a laugh about it. It’s not common to have problems with Sharp appliances. The next day we got a new microwave, this time it all worked. Next week mom and dad are going to install it for grandma and give her instructions.

29th Birthday Party

After days of cooking, it’s the day of my birthday party, saturday 4 february 2012. Normally I’m not a bit party fan. To many people and I get tired and bored really soon. But this is my own party, so I can do what I want. I love cooking, so there must be good food. I also invited 7 friends who not really know each other, so we are all strangers. And I love to do games, so I look for some games to play.

In the morning I do the dishes from my cooking for the day before. It’s huge. But I can’t wait till Klaas comes to do it, it annoys me to see it standing there. I also walk Casper in the snow. Then I take a nap under the infra-red light. Klaas arrives at noon. It’s a wonder that he made it, because of the snow the trains are in big trouble. But his train worked with a bit of delay. Because most stuff is already done, we have time for a cuddle. Apparently its good for me, because I was a bit tense. After that we have lunch and I take a nap. He takes Casper for a run and gets the  snow shuffle out. Handy to have a man to help me . While looking at old photo’s on my door with Klaas I realise that a year ago I was way to ill to think even about my birthday. New year, new chances. Everything is different, I don’t know for how long. But my future looks a lot brighter. A lot to be thankful for.

Insecure Butterflies

After our sleepover weekend, Monday goes by in a blur. My thoughts are by the days before. It all so unreal. My life looks completely the same as if he is not there in my life. And after years of being alone it so easy to fall back in old patterns. Only when I go to lay under the infra-red light machine that afternoon I feel better. I smell his aftershave in blankets, suddenly it’s real again. Getting attached to someone means that you can get hurt to. And I have seen enough pain. It would be so easy to walk away. Change is very hard for me to handle. Suddenly the words; future comes up and expectations. But I don’t want to run! So I look for conformation of my feelings by Klaas. We start to text, email and call even more. We both are insecure and overwhelmed with all the feelings. We have long serious talks about his work, our feelings, past, dreams. And when we are talking to each other it feels so much better.

Things to Remember, week 4

1. Extreme room makeover. After setting the date for a new date on saturday I got myself a new project. It was a possibility that Klaas is going to sleep here and my spare room is a mess. I use the room upstairs also for storage, so a good cleanup will do it some good. First I changed the positions of the beds to the other wall. It are 2 single beds, so I need a trick to keep them together. To ask dad for tie-ribs is not a good idea. So I asked Klaas to bring some . While cleaning I found my long-lost music stand! You never know what you can find. I found also some old calendars and put some of the pictures on the wall. I tried to fold my infra-red lamps together, but it won’t click in place anymore, so I had to put it to the side. Janet (my help) helped to get rid of all the dust and it looks really nice now. A real bedroom.